Leaving all my Past behind

Duisburg, (originally wrote on) 05 Maret 2007, 22:20

Jakarta, 06 Maret 2007, 04:20

Blog pertama gue sejak migrasi terbesar dalam hidup gue. Udah hari Senin niy, hari kedua dari petualangan baru gue. Hari Sabtu tanggal 3 Maret gue lepas landas dari Bandara Soekarno Hatta jam 10an, dan sampe di hometown baru gue, Dusseldorf jam 1 waktu setempat atau jam 7 Jakarta. Damn… that was a long ride indeed.

Beraaaattttttt banget ninggalin semuanya… semua hal yang membuat gue betah di Indo. Mungkin bukan betah yha, tapi selama ini, Indo is all I know. All my life were there… my family, my comfort zone. And there I was, stood inside the airport, about to leave all of that.

Selama beberapa hari sejak gue tau gue bakal berangkat hari Sabtu, semua ketakutan gue atas kehilangan ‘kondisi’ gue sebagai anak dan up grade sebagai orang dewasa, kembali. By 3rd of March 2007, I wont be a kid anymore, I have to be an adult with all of it consequences. And boy!! I certainly dont know what those are, and I dont know what to expect.

Sesaat setelah lepas landas, gue mikir, “this is it!! Ready or not, I have to face the truth.”

Di satu sisi gue bahagia banget, akhirnya gue bisa bersatu lagi ama soulmate gue (halah!!!), tapi disisi lain… gue mengalami ketakutan yang luar biasa. I was about to get a nervous breakdown each time the pilot told us to fasten our seatbelt for landing preparation. My heart literally pounded so fast and so hard!!! Gue juga ngga tau, ternyata secara ngga sadar, ketakutan gue untuk dewasa begitu besar. O shit!! I am really childish, huh!!??!

It has been two days now. I have new friends, new home and new life to live. Sampe saat ini, my only complain is… it is so damn cold in here. Emang yha… kita ngga akan pernah menghargai sesuatu sampe kita kehilangan hal itu. Gue kangen banget ngerasa kepanasan… gue kangen banget jalan-jalan di dalem rumah cuma pake daster n cd doang. Hehehehe… gue kangen banget jalan-jalan tanpa pake sarung tangan. Jalan bebas tanpa menggigil kedinginan setiap kali angin berhembus. Oh my God!! Lindungi aku yha Allah.

However, di sisi lain. I am having the time of my life. It turns out, gue suka banget disini. Sepiiii banget, ngga ada macet sama sekali, dan gue suka banget lingkungan disini. Gue bisa sama suami gue, yang sangat bantu gue disini, I really dont know what I am going to do if he wasn’t here.

A new life and a great love… what more a girl could ask!! Gue rasa keuntungan itu jauh lebih besar daripada ketakutan gue. Gue lega gue mengesampingkan rasa takut itu dan dapetin semuanya. Seandainya aja gue ngga harus ngelepas semua masa lalu gue. Kebahagiaan gue akan jadi sangat lengkap.

But then again… I have a new life awaits me. Masa lalu gue ngga akan pernah lepas dari gue, dan gue bersyukur atas masa lalu yang sangat amat indah. Sekarang, gue akan coba jalanin hidup baru gue… mencari comfort zone baru, dan mengatasi semua ketakutan gue atas ‘real life’. Somehow, gue ngga kuatir… I have a great partner beside me. My Batman as I am the Robin…

Past… thank you very much for letting me to be me

Present… help to get thru you

Future… please be my new bestfriend

Germany… please dont be so cold?? Have some mercy… hehehe

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